Lucca
This lovely story was written by a woman I only had email contact with. She lives in South America, but is from this part of Michigan. She was considering coming back here for the birth, but then found a good birth team in Brazil.
The birth of a blessed being
I would like to write about the birth of our dear Lucca. I want to do this for you. I want you to be able to feel what I felt, I want you to feel more empowered after reading what I have to say. I already started writing about it once, got half way through and quit. I had written a play by play… but when I read it, I couldn’t relate with it at all… it wasn’t what I actually lived. Siting dates, times, happenings in chronological order isn’t going to work if you would like to feel what I felt when I gave birth. Using names and speaking of techniques also won’t work. You can forget everything that you’ve heart about birth, to enter into this world with me, all you need is an open heart, and an open mind.
Feelings…
Tranqulity, such serene tranquility. I would have never imagined that I would give birth on that day… I had no clue. Labor started softly… the waters began to fall and it was night. My waters trickled down lightly with every braxton hicks… the midwife came… she saw that everything was well… the butterflies in my stomach fluttered up to my throat… smile stamped on my face. Still very calm.
Floating…
The feeling was just like that first kiss feeling… When you know that something very good is going to happen, but you have no clue what it’s really going to be like. My love and I went for a walk. It was dawn. Hand in hand, we walked up and down the street close to home… I had never seen my husband so calm. He was in peace, tranquil, totally dedicated to me and our son who was about to be born. We went around the block twice, I asked to go once more. I felt those butterflies turn into dragon flies and then into dragons… I felt burning … it wasn’t pain I was feeling… but pressure waves contracting from within. My lower back and low in my belly burned when the waves came. They were already very strong. I knew the time was nearing. Everything was flowing so naturally.
The first jump into cold water…
The first phase seemed just like the first jump into an icey lake. In the beginning, a bit of adrenaline… then, the shock surprises you and takes your breath away… but it ends up being delicious. The waves came and went. They were taking me to a world that the midwives and doulas call birthland…
Birthland is a place that each woman has in the most profound depths of her inner self… a place so deep that only through birth waves does she know that this place exists…. a place so far from everything that she no longer needs words, or ideas, or theories… in this place, she is the strongest person, for it is in this place that she finds out how strong she truly is.
And I was going, with every wave that washed over me, to that place. I let myself go. I threw everything up. Shower. Water falling hot on my back. My husband arrived with the midwife and the doula… I don’t remember what was or wasn’t said, but I remember their eyes, their eyes transmitted peace, stability and security. Ready to be my arms when they gave way, to be my legs when they shook, to be my strength and my anestesia. Ready to do everything and nothing.
Submersed
Now the waves consumed me… the all overwhelming power of them gave me strength for the next one… they came one after the other, sometimes without relief. All the methods I had studied to deal with contractions ceased to exist. The theories fell apart right in front of me… no Yoga, no massage, no deep J breathing, no hipnobirthing, no meditation, no exercise ball… nor any other natural pain relief method I had ever practiced aliviated the “pain”… Why? Because it wasn’t pain. It was just the waves and I. I didn’t need to escape them… I needed to live them intensely. When they came I would breath short, shallow, rapid breaths… and swayed. Furrowed brow, eyes far away, mouth open, swaying. My soul friend’s CD played celtic music in the background, with flutes and harps and violin.
I dove into my husband’s calm gaze… only the sea in his eyes was able to make the waves seem lighter. He softly ran his hands over my arms… starting at my shoulder, brushing them lightly down to my hands… taking all the weight off of me. He smiled at me… Smile.
Under the waterfall…
The midwife put her soft hand on my belly and in a low deep voice murmured, “hiiiii Luuuuuucca… great job… we are waiting for you here Lucca… you may come” and the waves came on stronger… she listened to him and he listened to her. The doula smelled like lavander and peace. Her mere presence was medicinal.
I found refuge in birthland… There, there was only flute music… There, the air was warm like a hug and smelled of lavander… There, the light was soft, like candle light… Suddenly I heard someone calling me from far away, “Heidi, I’m going to need to check you…” I looked up, the midwife inviting me to lay on the bed to check dilation… Information that for me, didn’t make much sense, for he was being born. I laid down. And there the waves culminated into a huge waterfall that crashed over me, if I were to stay laying down, I surely would drown! As soon as she was done checking me, I jumped from the bed to my feet to sway and breathe shallow pant-like breaths. “I need to be in the pool, I need to be in the water” the only words I managed to whisper. My body was already bearing down involuntarily…
Transition…
The longest minutes were the ones when they were filling the pool… I thought silently in secret, “would there still be time to get in the car, rush to the hospital and do a c-section?!” the answer, a wave that knocked the breath out of me… no way…
Swimming…
One foot, two feet, kneeling in the pool… aaaaaahhh… I melted… my love by my side, also kneeling, ran warm water on my lower back. I felt like a Godess in a spa… until the next wave… now I was no longer I… but merely a medium through which a new being would arrive… I didn’t exist… Birthing stool, my husband’s hand, involuntarily bearing down, lots of pressure. When the waves came, my whole body responded…
Suddenly, a moment of rest, a return to reality, everything was too real. Fear, uncertainty, or better yet, certainty! Certain that a person wasn’t going to be able to come out from within me! Certain that this wasn’t natural! I felt hair… I wanted to put him back in!
“Heeeeidi… let him come” … I wasn’t convinced … “Let him come” the midwife’s voice was sweet, calm, and firm. A wave took over me and I let it take me to the end… All the forces in my body united to open the path and allow the head to be born… breath, breath, eye to eye with the midwife and I let him come… he came out swimming, floating, submersed in the same medium where he passed the last nine months… to the hands of the midwife and my husband and they raised him up and laid him in my lap! Warm, slippery, crying loudly, eyes wide open! My skin and his skin! His little hand glued around my finger! My son!!! Oh, my son!!! My son was born and along with him a mother and father were born! A family was born, and the three of us cried together! In that moment only the three of us existed… Without strange faces, without procedures, without routines, without hurry, without him leaving our side.
The cord stopped pulsing and was cut by my husband, completing the intrauterine phase of pregnancy. November 5th, 2012. 3 kilos, 51cm. Lucca. Lucca Dylan. He went to his daddy’s arms. Later, the nurse took care of him with much love, without invasions, without needles. Placenta. Shower. Bed, my bed, my sheets, my robe, my son in my arms. I brought him to the breast, but his first feeding would happen only later. We celebrated. White grape juice. Coconut water. Stitches. Son back in my arms, he nursed… on both sides! Photos. Feeling very thankful. Kiss from hubby… and what a kiss!
Grandpa awoke with the baby’s first cry… took a shower and came to the bedroom to meet his grandson who had just been born. Uncle and cousin came, the godparents came too. Many smiles. What happened afterward was full of times, and measurements, and weights, and numbers, and such. Details that I will never forget, but till today, the most unforgettable moments are those when it’s just the three of us… on the bed, in the bedroom, next to the bathroom where he was born. I still manage to escape for an instant to that peaceful place within me, when he is nursing skin to skin. Everything still disappears and we go back to being one being. Love.
This was my experience. And I’m not the only one who has been through this. No, I’m not the only one who has had a marvelous birth. The birth was extremely safe, but this story is a bit dangerous. The danger of having told you my story is having planted a seed in your mind. A seed that begins to knock down the myths that you’ve always been told about how birth is full of pain and suffering. You already have in your hands the information that knocks down these myths, and now you have a first hand account… One must indeed worry, worry that you too will want to bring your child into this world in the peace, tranquility and cosiness of your home, with your family by your side.
The rest of this story belongs to you… 🙂
